Hydrocephalus?!!!!

When I was pregnant with my twins i had so many problems, that I delivered them in the 32nd week of pregnancy, and that's early, they call them premature babies, Sélim was 1.6 kgs and Aysel was 1.2 kgs. They were so tiny that they had to be placed in incubators and couldn't at first breath pn their own, it was so difficult but after a week they were doi g better breathing and eating and for the first time I held them in my arms, the first one was Sélim, he was doing better than her, and after 10 days on the NICU I was able to get him home,5 days later I got Aysel. A week after Sélim was at I found a big difference in eating and sleeping between him and his sister, everybody told me not to compare between them or I'll get mad,but I couldn't there was something wrong I can feel it even though everyone else doesn't so I decided to take him to the doctor, and He first told me he's a little bit week and has to go back to the NICU. The next day after givi g him a thoroughly check up I discovered that he has something called "Hydrocephalus". It was a very hard time for us,not knowing what is this? Where did he get it? Is it my fault? Was he born like this? What will happen now? Will he survive it? The answers were always ambiguous, no one knows what will happen or how or when, they have my 14 days baby's brain!!!!! What if he does something wrong? Every doctor we have seen assured us that the operation is a basic one and not complicated at all, but that's from physicians point of view not parents point of view, it's our baby! After a brief confusion we decided the doctor, and he was a good one thank God. But after 55 min we got a call on our cell phone that the doctor needs to talk to us immediately, we ran to the doors of the OR, the doctor was waiting for us with a sad face, he told us that he found a serious amount of blood in the brain liquid and that means either he had some bleeding in his brain and that's the reason or there's a very bad viral infection causing the bleeding and that he can't continue in the operation and he has to place an external drainage till we know much more of his situation. For 3 weeks he was placed in a seperate room in an incubator with tubes coming out every single place of his tiny body and a big one out of his opened brain! Can't describe the feeling in words even after more than 2 years when I talk about it my tears fall. We made laboratory check almost daily in separate laboratories and each one got us a different result! We contacted doctors abroad to see if they have different opinions but no one has an idea of what was wrong or what happened. Everyone was confused even the doctors they gave him all antibiotics they can prescribe, they told us not to visit him so we won't get attached to him, but I couldn't. I couldn't give up to him, knowing that my baby is locked in an incubator in a separate room all by himself no one can touches him, he's fed through a machine when it's time to change or get his bath the nurse get all the room disinfected and clean her hands and only medical tools like in the operation room. I couldn't leave him alone even if I only sit on a chair beside his incubator touching it and reciting verses of the Qur'an and praying for him. Everyone was saying let him go so you can take care of your other children, but I was saying he in one of them to, even his doctor told me he's not your son yet, you don't know him, you knew him just few days ago. I said no he is my son, and you all knew him just few days ago, I know him nine months ago, I know him from day one of my pregnancy and I felt him with his first kick. He is my baby son, and he needs me more now, even if they say he doesn't know or feel my presence, but deep inside of me I felt he was, he was calmer and peaceful when I was there, even the nurses told me so. He knew I'm here for him, and that he is not alone in his pain. After 3 weeks, thank God he was getting better and the liquid was clear now, so they stopped the antibiotics and got the external drainage out for a couple of weeks to get ready for a second operation. He was sent home with a hole in his head, and I had to clean it daily. Yes, by myself, you could never imagine my feeling and how stressful it was. Those couple of weeks was so hard, I belt a strong relation with him, he was sleeping in my arms, fed by me, his siblings got used to his presence....etc, but what will happen if God forbid something went wrong now? How can I survive such a trauma? The day of the main operation came and I was praying God for his full recovery. And thank God the operation went well and 48 hours later he was at home. The doctor didn't guaranty that everything will go fine and that he won't have any problem, but my faith in God's merciness was great and unquestionable. He was a little bit late in some progress specially the monitor ones, we had to make a shunt revision, changing the valve, after a month and a half, but after all he has been through and what we encountered, I don't miss a single day without Thanking God for his gift and mercy. He's doing much better now you can not know what he has been through or dealing with till now, he's a normal baby thank God. Always funny and laughing and cheerful. Everyone loves him and plays with him. I know that I will spend my whole life worrying about Sélim's health and wellness, but I'm sure that God sent him to us as a test and a reward as well. And he is a very delightful cheerful reward, he is my trophy, my "Miracle".