First time pregnant

3 weeks after my wedding day i got the biggest news, that I'm pregnant! I was so so so so so happy, that I red the lab result many many times to make sure it's true and I'm not daydreaming. The one who was in shock for several days is my husband! He couldn't believe it's true till he saw the first sonography of the fetus, and even then he didn't knew what he saw exactly :)? I took the sonography photo and scanned it and send it to my father and brother who live abroad, couple of hours later my brother called me and said: What is that picture you sent to me? I replied my baby's picture! He said where is the baby? I told him you see the line where 1.80 cms is written above? He said yes. I said that's my baby! :))) he yelled and shouted that when I have the picture of a real baby I send it to him not a picture of a 1.80 cms line! But I was so happy with that line :) My pregnancy wasn't an easy pregnancy at all, I had so many complications and had to bed rest several times, I even started having contractions from the 6th months. I wanted to know the baby's gender but my husband did 't want to. But deep inside me I've always said that I'm sure it's a baby girl, and I will call her " Sévine". It's a Turkish name meaning " sweetheart" or " the person who brings joy to my heart", I've always felt that the girl is her mother's sweetheart. I used to sing to my belly babies' songs, and songs for daughters, and my husband was so angry, what if it's a boy? I wish my first baby to be a boy. But I've always teased him that I'm sure that it's a girl and will look exactly like me, although she turned out ot be exactly like her father :). I used to look at my belly moving with the baby's movement and imagining what is he/she doing at this moment. Wondering what does he/ she looks like now? I got a what to expect when you're expecting book and I red it every night. One of the most funniest moment for me, is when the baby got hick up :) and start to jump in the belly. Or when the baby yawn :) and stretches his legs and arms. It's a totally different feeling, that feeling of a living person inside of you, this stranger and yet isn't totally stranger cause it's a 50% you. All the suspense related to finally meeting face to face, and how will you react and will you be able to take care of this new person? Will he/ she have 2 arms 2 feet 10 fingers and 10 toes? Will he/ she be a fine baby? Etc. At 36 weeks of pregnancy I got a major contraction and it was time to deliver the baby. After 16 hours in labor, the doctor decided to make a C-section, so I experienced the pain in double:( but at the moment they were taking me to the OR, the anesthesiologist said to me: what will you call her? I said her? He told me yes didn't you knew that you're having a baby girl? It's in your file? I replied Sévine :) and I was so eager to finally meet her and taking her in my arms. She was so beautiful, so tiny and yet so strong. She was a premature baby but she didn't show any weakness. I couldn't believe myself that this baby is mine, she's not a baby toy, or someone else 's baby! She's my daughter, she's my "Sévine". I took her in my arms and prayed for her, prayed to be a good girl, daughter, woman, wife and mother, to be in good health, to be smart, to be able to love and be loved, to have all her dreams come true. And I wished for myself to see her growing, see her in her wedding day, and to hold her children as I'm holding her. Amen.

Love

Love has a different definition in men's dictionary than in women's dictionary, it's so obvious. I love my husband so much, and I know that he loves me too. But like all wives I always tell him that I need him to show me his love, I need him to call me "huny" "my love" "sweetheart" " sugar"....etc not "Mama"!!! I have already 4 persons calling me by this name, I need him to buy me flowers, even a single red rose. When I cook his favorite meal I need him to tell me " Thank you Dear for your effort" not " Ohhh! I ate so much I need a glass of sprite!" When he's talking on the phone, even if he was talking to his best friend who knows me sooo well, he never says my name, he always refers to me as " the wife" " the mother"...etc I want him to say my name. He even saved my name on his contact list as " the house "!!!!!! When I confronted him why? Are you ashamed of me or my name? He told me no , I'm giving you a Prestige!!!!!!! I tried to understand he's point of view, but I wasn't convinced and I couldn't change he's way of thinking too. So I let it go it's a lost battle! He's thinking that by working hard and getting money to sustain a good quality of life for me and the kids, that's how much he loves me and that's the way he shows his love to me. For me I need more loving words, I want him to hold my hand while walking, to put his arm around me while watching the TV, kissing my hand after finishing his meal and saying thank you dear. Those are not costly demands, but for me, will show me how much he loves me. Women's demands are so silly in a man point of view. But believe me if your wife really loves you, she doesn't care if your gift is a diamond ring or a single red rose, she doesn't want you to write a poem showing your love to the whole world, but a simple "I love you" and a big hug will mean the world for her.

Sleeping

Doctors say that the normal person needs to sleep 7-8 continuous hours per day to rest and be able to return to his/ her activities the next day. For me sleeping 7 continuous hours became a dream that I would like to fulfill one day:) I sleep in total 4-6 separated hours per day. When having a baby, they always say that his/ her mother is poor she can't sleep well at night, I have twins, they woke up separately during night, and God forbid if they woke up together it will be hell for me. And when babies start to sleep, as for most babies it's after down, I have to wake up for the elders to prepare them to school. Even in holidays, the minute they are awake the house becomes a living circus nobody can get a normal sleep. Mama, mama, mama! They call every 2 seconds to ask any foolish question, just to wake me up. People try to consolidates me by saying one day they well all grow up and you'll be able to have some rest. I'm waiting for this day :))))) hoping it won't take long time to come.

Scheduel

As i told you earlier time is my great challenge, managing that time and scheduelling it was so hard and made my day so monotone. i have 4 kids, yes right 4, an 8 years old girl, a 6 years old boy, and a 2 years old twins a boy and a girl, now you realize why time is a challenge! I start at 6 am by waking my elder kids for school, getting them ready by 6:40 am going back to catch an hour or two before the twins wake up. By 12 pm i'm giving the twins their brunch, and right after they're done I start cooking Lunch for the whole family. At 2:20 my elder son returns from school, I go get him from the bus, come back for our daily fight of what is for lunch? I don't like this meal! You'll eat it scillenty! And we spend the next 2 hours in this arrgument if not more sometimes. At this time the twins are taking their nap :))) don't ask how they can sleep while you are fighting? But God is mercifull :))
At 4 pm they woke up get their lunch, at 4:45 my elder daughter returnes from school, get her lunch then we start our fight, yes another fight, and by the way I'm not a nervous person at allllll, this time not because she's not eating, noooo over her homework. At 7:30 the 4 of them get their dinner, and then the elders get prepare for sleep. At 8 pm they are in their bed, sometimes with a little fight some days are more peacefull :) at 9:30 I prepare the twins bottle of milk, then prepare them to sleep. At 10 pm the house is more quite and silent :) i start to prepare next days uniforme, lunch box, and backpack.
When I'm done, it's the " Me" time I told you about. Just till I get so tiered and fall asleep to restart at 6 am next morning.....
My schedule has no flexibility, but at least I can manage my time by myslef with the 4 demanding kids. Problem accures when something unexpected happens and it takes effort to return to schedule the next day.

Time

Time became a very challenging word for me, being a wife, a mother for 4 lovely children, is very hectic. To have a time by myself I have to take it from my sleeping time! And that means waking up the next day with a terrible headache and no energy to complete the day :( that's the "Dilemma" I'm living in every day. Spending the day taking care of the house and the children leave me powerless, but the minute that the house is calm I ask myself: why wasting that special time in sleeping? While I can do anything for me? Yes, Me! The word me is out of my dictionary all day long. It's always you or they. But when they are sleeping I remind myself that there's Me in life, and that's where I get the energy next day although I'm not sleeping well every night.